From "The Book of Questions" by Gregory Stock, PH.D.
Q #23
While on a trip to another city, your spouse (or lover) meets and spends a night with an exciting stranger. Given that they will never meet again, and that you would NOT otherwise learn of the incident, would you want your partner to tell you about it?
If roles were reversed, would you reveal what you had done?
8 comments:
I wouldn't do it, and I would NOT want to know.
However, I do not think my wife would do it.
Yikes!!
I have read this question many times over the years, but never once actually used it anywhere. This question scares me, I guess.
If I would never learn of it .... and it would never happen again ... I would not want him to tell me about it ... EVER. If he told me .... and I had access to the voodoo doll from yesterday's question, then I might do something that I would regret doing in the long run ...
but would feel so good at the moment in the heat of anger.
I could cop out like my buddy Rant Master or I could thoroughly weasle out by saying that the scenario only says spend the night and while it implies that sex occurred it does not directly come out and say it happened but I won't.
I would want to know for two reasons, one so that my wife would not continue to harbor guilt and so that I would be able to heal as well. If the roles were reversed, I would have to reveal what I had done again for two reasons: One my wife would eventually find out she is just too smart and two because I would not be able to harbor the guilt forever.
I see this from a different view...If he was the one spending the night, I would want to know ahead of time so I could be a part of it. If I was the one, I would never tell him. It would crush him to know.
Would I want to know about it? Absolutely not!!!! But should I know about it, YES!, I should. Funny thing about guilt or remorse, it has to be shared eventually... the person harboring it can't hold it in forever.
Roles would never be reversed for me. I just could never do it.
This is a don't ask, don't tell situation. To tell would cause endless heart ache. If you can't handle the guilt, don't do it.
I don't know. If I knew I'd leave my husband. This also based on our past history to this point.
I also believe that things you don't know can hurt you despite the saying "what you don't know doesn't hurt you". Think it could hurt the marriage as well.
Lets say for the sake of argument that the significant other does sleep with the stranger. O.K. - Preganacy issues? STD's? etc.
If the guilt is driving him or her mad, then confession is good for the soul, however I am not specifying whom to confess too. If the partner has to tell you in order too alleviate their suffering, they are just transfering their suffering too you IF you all are still a loving and committed couple. Now two people hurt instead of one.
If you are close to divorcing me or vice versa, then who gives a flip, it may just terminate something that shouldn't be allowed to continue anyway.
Did you all have a swingers agreement in effect?
To answer your question I would evaluate the circumstances, weigh the pro's and cons of the situation, and then decide. However my character tells me that despite all the potential suffering I may cause, I would tell my partner.
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